rambles, poems, braindroppings, and stories

i have a childhood nightmare of being unable to run fast, i get going, but can't accelerate to my top speed. it's as if i choose to not run as fast as i can. a typical conflict between mind and body, isn't this the case in many instances, we can't Force ourselves to do what we actually want. ... it's almost the end of the year, time to start facing your problems head first and then you can ignore them for the rest of the year and maybe add some new ones to the collection. Oh Time- whenever i figure out a problem and im happy im like "what's next"? there's always more problems. i can usually foresee my problems, but how can i measure which ones are more important? in the end, i have to choose. (it's kinda like voting for president, later you will regret your choice no matter what)

what i think of politicians- "With All Due Respect, That's A Bunch Of Malarkey"   HOW I FEEL AFTER THANKSGIVING

i have said this before. i want to start running. one of my favorite times to run is when it is rainy or cold outside. feeling stressed? take a run. i used to run for a sport, it was boring and lame. i do have trouble running consistently, but when i go on a run i feel relaxed, i can breathe freely, experience the outdoors, and most importantly it feels natural and easy. before when i ran for a sport it was forced and i didn't mentally have the guts, now when i run i feel strong mentally although i'm not always persistent enough.

you know what annoys me? i always want to knock it down.

we act as if we are conscious and above all other animals on earth. we are not conscious. all the time you hear people saying i wish i knew what i know now i would do things differently. well if you had a time machine and you could go back in time to change the mistakes it might not matter because some people believe the world will totally alter with one small change. scientists are very religious.

i am obsessed with podcasts. if you wanna start listening to some good ones... this american life radiolab 99 percent invisible criminal  song exploder check em out

remember that shitty pop song "wake me up when september ends"?

not sure if this is the picture that is in my college yearbook or if it's a similar photo

my teeth hurt and i think i have multiple cavities.

too much pressure, it's gotta stop, it's gotta gotta stop

I used to listen to this band (Bad Religion) a lot in high school, "History doesn't make something right Consensus is not a fact-based exercise You're tied and bound to this selfindulgent enterprise... We call America A brush with a star, a token of love A name in the sand, enough is enough A diet of air, a face on the net A fish in your palm, your television set Once you convince yourself The universe falls into place You've got your ideas And your posse of friends You all make up rules And the fun never ends But still there's a problem that leaves you gasping for air You look for some meaning, blank smiles are all that's there And still water stales a soft summer breeze You cling to your hopes while you drop to your knees There's no substance " their lyrics are still pretty cool.

it's weird to look at stuff you wrote a few years back, kinda embarrassing but here's something "river of thought", even the title gives me chills. reflecting mirros create wilderness, this life is a dream and doesn't exist, the past is remembered from a fresh scent, someone laughs in a spanish accent, drippin water falls from a cave ceiling, painting a room until it caves in, the song of silence dances in a mind, thinking and thinking all thought in rhyme, a bug journeys on human skin, watch how a new life begins, a girl laughs at her laugh, wonder off the path, a fire dies, rebels rise, i think

"I cant, I wont, I cope, I lie I laugh, I smile, I breathe, I cry I cant, I wont, I hope, I die We live, we learn, but not all survive" dead rejects - "turning 20 something"

good morning. here's a video to brighten up your day-

not feeling like myself today. got fired from my office job yesterday. feels humiliating and lonely.

do not wanna go to work today, gotta work a double probably about 12 hours, originally I was scheduled to work a single but my boss is low on workers and said he'd pay me extra. on the brighter side I got to valet Sinbad's car last night. he was a pretty cool guy. "Fame is but a fruit tree So very unsound It can never flourish Till its stalk is in the ground So men of fame Can never find a way Till time has flown Far from their dying day Forgotten while you're here Remembered for a while A much updated rain From a much updated style Life is but a memory Happened long ago Theatre full of sadness For a long forgotten show Seems so easy Just to let it go on by Till you stop and wonder Why you never wondered why Safe in a womb of an everlasting night You find the darkness can give the brightest light Safe in your place deep in the earth That's when they'll know What you are really worth" -nick drake

i really like this album "Anamaría Merino Tijoux (born 1977), commonly known by her stage name Ana Tijoux or Anita Tijoux , is a French- Chilean musician. She became famous in Latin America as the female MC of hip-hop group Makiza during the late 1990s. In 2006, she crossed over to the mainstream of Latin pop after her collaboration with Mexican songstress Julieta Venegas in the radio hit " Eres para mí ". Tijoux has often been praised for "exploring sensitive matters devoid of violence." [ 1 ] She gained more widespread recognition following her second solo album, 1977 . Tijoux is the daughter of Chilean parents living in political exile in France during Augusto Pinochet 's dictatorship of Chile ."

actually feeling pretty good today. it's sunny outside, just watched that new hbo show "silicon valley", currently listening to some shitty green day album "warning", and i have nothing to lose, it is a new day with watered-down opportunities. lyrics of the song "waiting" from that shitty album which I sang with my graduating 8th grade class: "I've been waiting a long time For this moment to come I'm destined For anything...at all Downtown lights will be shining On me like a new diamond Ring out under the midnight hour No one can touch me now And I can't turn my back It's too late ready or not at all" way too corny...

I was a sophomore in high school when i started making hate raps and posting them online. Yep they were pretty bad, but mostly they were mean. Here's one, "His girlfriend looks like she’s on drugs, but Brian he just wears uggs. His girlfriend isn’t hot he is her robot. Give him pity because his girlfriend looks really shitty. He listens to crappy bands and lets his girlfriend touch him with her man hands. His best friend is the computer and he is his girlfriend’s tutor. Brian gets made fun of by his mother and gets beat up by his brother. This kid is so sick that he puts Ben-gay on his dick. Brian might not be prude, but his girlfriends definitely looks like a dude." A couple years later i matured (not really) and wrote some poetry, this is most likely the time i started smoking pot: It’s a blind man’s reality Blackness is all he knows My jealously cannot be contained And my curiosity cannot be tamed My morals have gone astray I have thrown the law away I don...

sometimes when i'm bored i construct imaginary conversations with people i know. i feel that i am selfish and i take too much from my family. i think it's good to be at least a little miserable because it makes you question your life and the world. gotta buy some pine-tar soap soon. gonna bike cross-country, volunteer at a farm and learn the trade, join the peace corp, run a marathon or maybe just a half-marathon, read War and Peace...  Been doing a lot of LSD (Long Slow Distance "as in long slow distance RUNNING") lately.

 Finished reading José Saramago's "All the Names" tonight, here's a cool quote from it: "Strictly speaking, we do not make decisions, decisions make us. The proof can be found in the fact that, though life leads us to carry out the most diverse actions one after the other, we do not prelude each one with a period of reflection, evaluation and calculation, and only then declare ourselves able to decide if we will go out to lunch or buy a newspaper or look for the unknown woman."